Christmas Day

Today is Christmas and it’s still hard for me to believe even though we have been to 3 Christmas gatherings this weekend. I am so surprised at how fast this year has gone by.  We had Christmas with my siblings on my moma’s side Friday night. I have looked forward to this Christmas for months because that’s when we planned it. Jeremy was stuck working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and he was able to come and my brother Ricky and his family were able to be there. And we didn’t have to rush because we had nowhere else to be! We had a ball!!! Then we had Christmas with Jeremy’s parents and sister on Christmas Eve and we had to rush because Jeremy had to go to work, but we still had a great time. Then today I got to go to church and then we went to Jeremy’s grandparents and had a good time. It’s been a good Christmas even though it’s been filled with tons of emotions for me. I am extremely sentimental about everything. And I have been very sentimental about the fact that it’s our last Christmas in our first house. We will be back to Pulaski for other Christmases with our families, but we will never be back to this house. Not to mention, Jeremy is working. I am very thankful for the extra money, but still sad he isn’t here with me. Today was also the last Sunday for the Britton’s at Fairview. And this saddens me for lots of reasons. They have been a HUGE inspiration to us. A great example of a Christian family and they played a huge role in getting us back on track with our Christianity. Not to mention, God has blessed Brandon with some amazing pulpit abilities. I have learned a lot from that family and I will be forever grateful!!! I am excited for them as they embark on their new journey! Exactly 6 months from today, we will be officially starting our new journey. Jeremy will be sitting in his very first class on June 25^th!!! WOW! I am so very proud of that man! He has grown as a Christian, a man and a husband over the last several months and it has been truly amazing! He has always been a good husband and man, but it’s multiplied now! And as I talked about in my infertility blog that I have good times and bad and this weekend has been more towards the bad. I haven’t balled my eyes out, but I have to say I have been jealous. I know that’s wrong, but I LOVE giving gifts. And even in my Scrooge attitude this Christmas,  I have really enjoyed hearing what all the kids are getting and what “Santa” brought. Even though we do not plan on doing “Santa” if we ever have kids, it would still be fun to plan out the gifts and stay up and put them all out on Christmas Eve. I hope one day we get to enjoy that. And I am going to make sure if we do have kids that they know that there are children who are not as privileged and I want to teach them the importance of giving and of being thankful! A lot of kids nowadays just expect gifts and don’t appreciate them at all. But back to my whole weekend down in the dumps, in Brandon’s sermon this morning, he said when you are having anxiety or are down, focus on the positive and all the blessings in your life. Well I could focus for a LONG time on all my blessings. I am grateful to God that He has blessed me as greatly as He has! I hope you all have had a very Merry Christmas and have reflected on your blessings!!! Love to all and God Bless!

Changes

It was a crazy day at work today, but I got to see Shannon for the first time in a week. Her poor family had been struck with the stomach flu and she had been out. After work, I ran to my SIL to take pics and see her girls. They were getting ready for the Christmas dance. They looked so pretty and so grown up! It makes me sad to know that all the kids are growing up. My night ended with a trip to Hobby Lobby with a very good friend. After a much needed pep talk, I realized something. I am truly excited about starting the next chapter in our lives. I have been constantly worried and stressed about the process of getting there and giving up being within 15 minutes of our friends and family. Thru all of the stress and worry, I had forgotten the positive side of it. I know it will be challenging at times, but it will also be rewarding. I need this. Jeremy has been doing so great and I feel like I haven’t had my heart where it needs to be. I know he is going to need me probably more than he has ever needed me and I have to get my game face on. He is there for me constantly and he doesn’t realize just how much I need him for support. I have to be that constant person for him. He deserves that more than anybody realizes. I have heard several people tell me that I will make a good preacher’s wife. I don’t know why. I don’t see myself special enough for a role like that. But, I am glad that somebody else does. I know Jeremy is going to do so great. He has such a love for God and a passion to do this. It makes me so proud! Yep, I am like a parent whose kid just made the honor roll. I am extremely proud of my husband for being the Christian husband that God intended. I admire him for taking that leap of faith and for deciding to put God first above all things. Back to the changes(I like to talk about my man!), I am excited for the new friendships we will make and the new people we will meet. Although, I can be withdrawn and not very forward to begin with, I so enjoy “shooting the bull” with people. That’s one thing I enjoy about my current job. I am so going to miss a lot of those people, but I know that I will meet lots of new ones. Please continue to pray for us. We need to sell our house, so I am asking for prayers for that. But most of all, please pray that we will always follow God and do what He wants us to and not what our selfish mind wants us to. God Bless!

         

New Look

You may have noticed that I changed the look of my blog. A couple of people have said that the old one was kind of hard to read. Hope everybody likes the new look. It's got PINK in it, my favorite color! Hopefully everybody can read it a little better now. I was new to the whole blogging process and was anxious to get started. It's the WEEKEND!!! I love the weekends. Especially ones like this one. Jeremy actually gets today thru Tuesday off. This is very rare but has actually happened twice lately. I LOVE it! We get to be "normal" people that have normal weekends. And we are starting it by spending what is always a good time with the Britton's. Tomorrow, I plan to do some organizing. We will see how that goes. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! And in the midst of your busy weekend, come see us at Fariview Church of Christ on Sunday!!! Class starts at 10:00 and preaching at 11:00. Hope to see you there! God Bless!

Life is Like a Vapor

My heart is very heavy today for a couple of families. I knew neither one of them hardly at all. One was a guy I went to high school with and was 2 years younger than me. The woman is a little older than me and I have known her forever for various reasons, but she probably didn’t have a clue who I am. The guy had a wife and twin boys when he passed away last weekend. And the woman has a husband and 3 girls. I am not sure what happened to him but the woman died in a car accident today. I can’t get these people and their families off of mind. One is for an obvious reason, I just feel so much sympathy for them. I can’t even imagine what they are going thru. It’s not like they have lived their life in the terms that most people think of, they still “had a lot of living left to do.” But it just goes to show that we aren’t in charge of this world. I really feel like if I could do anything at all that would take away the grief, I would not hesitate and I don’t even know these people.

Two, I am a self proclaimed Christian. I say it like that because only God knows where I will be. I try to live my life for Him but I know I fail everyday. None of us are worthy of Heaven. Even though we aren’t worthy, God sees our potential. With that being said, I think about their souls. Again, I don’t know these people. I don’t know the kind of lives they have led. Even if I did, it’s not my place to judge anyone. That’s all in God’s hands. As the Bible says in James 4:14…NKJV “whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.” We don’t know when our last day on earth is going to be. I am leaving for church in a few minutes and there is a very good possibility that I will die on my way there or die walking to my car. Our days are numbered and it’s inevitable that we will die. The questions are, what kind of life have we led? Has it been worthy of God’s praise? Have we really been the Christians that we are suppose to be? I don’t mean a half-hearted Christian. Are we in church every time the doors are open and then living a life of sin the rest of the week? Or are we even going to church or going only once a week? Are we gossiping about someone every time they turn the backs to us? What’s our language like? Are we setting a good example to others? Are we loving like we should or are we just automatically condemning everyone we meet? Just because God doesn’t like sin doesn’t mean He doesn’t love us all! He loved us enough to send His son to die on the cross for our sins. I can’t think of a greater love. So what are we doing for him??? A lot of us nothing, some of us a little here and there and some people have devoted their life to Him and put Him first in everything they do. Look at all the blessings He has given us. Why would we not want to show our appreciation to Him by living for Him and putting all the wordly things behind us and focusing on having a home in Heaven? Is it not real enough? I have never met anyone from my mortgage company, yet I still send them money every month. I have a lot of faith in a company full of people that I have never met. I am entrusting them with my monthly mortgage payment. Why can’t we put our faith in God and in having a home in Heaven. A lot of us are selfish and lazy and don’t want to take the time to give God any of our own “personal” time. I am not talking about anybody particular because I am guilty too. Why am I, Jinnie Thornton, worthy of God’s love??? I’m not. I sin everyday. It’s a daily struggle for me. I wake up everyday and the devil slams me like no tomorrow. He knows it’s easy to get me down. It’s easy to get a lot of people down. We have to fight back though! Fight harder than we have ever fought before! I hope this helps somebody. I have been blessed enough to have some wonderful people in my life that have helped get myself back on track. I hope that I can pay it forward!!!

Third, I work for an insurance company. If I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t think about these things. But life insurance is so important. People that are young may say that nothing will ever happen to them. You know, nothing may ever happen to them. But I am sure that the two young people that lost their lives probably didn’t think anything would happen to them either. This is not a sales pitch, so please don’t think that. It genuinely concerns me. I have seen firsthand how much that life insurance check helps a family. And I worry about people. I heard a story at work recently about somebody that didn’t have life insurance when they passed away. It’s now left up to their adult kids, who have no money, to pay for all of her funeral expenses. It’s bad enough to have to deal with a death in the family, but to make it worse having to worry about finances. I know myself, if anything ever happens to Jeremy, I will be completely batty! And I ain’t even joking. He keeps me from going batty on a daily basis. Just food for thought. Again, I am not trying to do a sales pitch…I am just a worry wart and think about all these things.

Please pray for these families and anybody that has lost a loved one! And take a look at your life, I know I am. God Bless!

Grammatically Incorrect

I just have to throw this out there, I am NOT grammatically correct. However, I am extremely OCD about spelling. That’s the ONE subject in school that I was really good at it. But let me throw this in, I do still mess up spelling from time to time. I needed to say that so you people wouldn’t judge me when I had a typo. J It drives me nuts when people don’t spell something correctly though. I am sure it drives all you intelligent people crazy when I don’t put commas where they go or when I make a sentence too long, etc. I have never been good at that.  I am ADD and extremely forgetful, so I talk fast and I guess it shows when I am type out sentences too. I just ramble on and don’t put everything where it needs to be or just don’t put it at all. I am bad about that. On another note, I am sure by now you have noticed that I do ramble. Y’all seriously would be scared to death if you were in my head and at any given moment. I type like I think. Sometimes it’s all over the page. I will be talking about one thing and another thought creeps in and I have to quickly type it or I will forget it. Poor Jeremy….Y’all have no idea what they poor man goes thru. He’s a trooper though, he hangs with the best! He has to in order to be married to me! Now, I am sure you have all critiqued this blog and looked for all my misspelled words. With my luck, I probably misspelled 95% of them.  Oh well….I am done for now. I have seriously got to find an internet connection so I can download all my latest blogs. I am sure nobody is just dying to read them, but they make me feel better and that’s all that matters. God Bless!

Ready, Set, Be Social

Okay, so being social doesn’t exactly come easy to me. It never has. I have always considered myself as an awkward person and it’s okay, you can think so too. I can remember the easiest speech I ever had to give was in high school. Luckily, my moma is a genius at sewing and she made me this full on pilgrim type costume equipped with a bonnet. The bonnet covered most of my face and made standing up in front of a room full of classmates so much easier. It also hid my red face! That’s another downfall-I am extremely light skinned with red hair, so the least little thing makes my cheeks quite rosy. It’s so embarrassing…Anyways, I realized tonight just how panicked I get at the thought of being in front of a crowd. We had a Dirty Santa party for the ladies at my church and the closer it got to my name being called the more nervous I got. UGH, this makes me feel stupid. I am 28 years old and I am nervous about going to pick out a gift or “steal” from somebody else. But that’s who I am, I don’t know if I will ever grow out of it. I sure hope so because I am sure that the new career we are about to embark on will require me to have thick skin and the ability to be a social bug.

I am slowly getting better at the social bug thing…I have pretty much lived in my little hermit shell for the past 5.5 years until the last 4-5 months. I have done a lot better. I just hope I am not one of those people that everybody thinks is stuck up. You I know I am guilty of thinking that somebody is stuck up because they don’t ever speak, when they are probably insanely shy. I never have the right things to say and always end up making a blooming idiot out of myself, so I avoid eye contact and conversation if at all possible. I lack confidence and I have a low self-esteem, which I think contributes to all of this. I have been at my job for 9 years, so I have gotten to know pretty much all of our clientele, I am comfortable with the majority of them and so I am pretty social and can “shoot the bull” all day long with them. You get me in any other situation and I am clumsy with my words and actions.

Kind of a crazy blog, but I just got to thinking about that on my way home. I am going to be a preacher’s wife, I have no choice but to be social….I better get use to it!!! It will all be fine- As Jeremy keeps repeating from Brandon Britton, do something that scares you the most…well we are doing it!!! ;-) Luckily we have some great friends helping us along the way! God Bless!

Christmas Time in the Thornton Household

So as we all know, Christmas is coming up. It’s one of my favorite holidays(my other fave is Halloween). This year is an exception to my love for Christmas. I am just not into it. We sold our Christmas tree and we aren’t buying another one and we aren’t decorating. The only decoration that we have is our two Christmas stockings hanging in the den. The only reason we have those is because I made them at our sewing day this past weekend and wanted to display what I had done. I have always enjoyed buying presents for people. I especially enjoy buying gifts for Jeremy, money permitting. Money is tight this year because we are trying to move and there are several things we have had to purchase and are going to be purchasing for the move. So we scaled way back this year. I partly feel guilty for that, but it is what it is. If somebody wanted to donate the money to buy presents, then please feel free. ;-) Just kidding. I am not use to scaling down. I mean I don’t go overboard but this is the tightest Christmas we have ever had and it’s hard to find presents at my set budget. I still have a few more gifts to buy and I will feel so much better after they are bought. I say EVERY year that I am going to plan better but EVERY year something comes up and the money we are saving has to go for something else.

 I am very much looking forward to the time off at Christmas. The stinky part about Christmas is that Jeremy has to work Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

Anyways, I guess that is all for now. Happy Shopping! God Bless!

4 Years and Counting...Infertility Struggle

So I said in my “Thankful” blog that I would go further into the infertility struggle. We are right at 4 years and 5 months of the infertility battle. And like I said, it is the hardest thing we have ever had to deal with. You can never make anybody understand what it’s like. I know I have learned a lot about everything. I have learned a lot about all types of infertility and a lot about myself and a lot about other people. Only God knows if we will ever get pregnant and have our own child. I spent a lot of time asking God why. I know that He has His own reasons and it’s not our place to question it. Doesn’t mean that it makes it any easier to deal with though. At this point, I feel like there are lots of reasons why. Most people by now have tried just about every fertility treatment option several times over. We have not done this. We have done a few things but nothing since we went to see an actual fertility specialist last year. The option that he gave us was very expensive and with no insurance coverage for it, a loan was about our only other option. So for the time being, we are just hanging out. Maybe at some point, we will be able to pursue those options. Just because we aren’t going extremely in debt for fertility treatments does not mean that we want a child any less. We are just trying to be sensible and smart about it all. Some people can afford it and some people can’t. We want to be able to properly provide for a child. I will say, I have been thru so many emotions- anger, sadness, feelings of guilt, feeling of being unworthy, more anger and more sadness.  For the longest, we did all the “proper” protocols. Ovulation tests and temperatures, surgery and about anything you can think of, we have tried it except for the major treatments. It doesn’t take much to stress me out and finally, I said I couldn’t do it all anymore and laid every bit of it down. It doesn’t mean that every month there isn’t  sadness. I don’t think you ever get use to it. I handle it a lot better now than I use to. There aren’t as many tears. And I would like to say that I have accepted it, but I haven’t really. I am still holding out hope. I just try not to stress over it. I think it helped seeing the fertility specialist last year and him telling me that it wouldn’t happen on it’s own without expensive help. I feel like that no matter what new things we try, it still won’t happen. And none of it will happen unless God is ready for it to. I think what breaks my heart more than anything is the amount of people who take advantage of their title as a parent. They neglect their kids, they don’t teach them respect, they scream and curse at their kids, they beat their kids and ignore their kids, they are drug addicts and alcoholics. Quite honestly, every time I hear about another unwed mother or teenage mother, or people who are party people and drink and do drugs and they are pregnant- I just want to be like SERIOUSLY??? We are Christians, we have an amazing marriage and we have stable and good jobs….what about us?? Where did we go wrong? Don’t write me off for saying that, because just remember you have never been in our shoes. Unless you have been thru this, you can’t begin to understand what it’s like for us anymore than we can understand what it’s like for someone with cancer or a terminal illness.  I have somewhat come to the realization that the unexpected pregnancy for anyone in the above situations may be the turning point for something in their life. It may be God’s way of trying to open up their eyes to something that is going on with them. I don’t know, I do just try to understand it a little more than I use to. Another thing, is don’t ever tell anybody not to worry or stress over it. In the most sarcastic way possible, my favorite phrase is, “just quit worrying about it and it will happen.” Sometimes it’s just better to keep your mouth shut. I know people are trying to be nice in their own way, but I haven’t been “worrying” about it a couple of years and it still hasn’t happened. Another favorite is, “if you lose weight, you will get pregnant.” C’mon people! Have you not every seen an overweight pregnant person??? For your information, my fertility doctor told me that my weight had nothing to do with it. Now this doesn’t mean that I am saying it doesn’t matter. It’s always better for you to be healthy and at a normal weight range, but just because somebody is overweight doesn’t automatically mean they are infertile.  Then it’s the, “well, why don’t you adopt?” That’s a good question…and most would think that because I was adopted, I would automatically go straight to that. We have talked about it. I am unsure at this point if it’s something we will pursue. But don’t judge us for our decision or the fact that we have to think about it. Don’t judge anyone else for it either. Adoption is different from having your own child. There are lots of factors that play into it and frankly, it scares me to death. A lot of adoptions now are open or semi open and we aren’t sure what is best for us.  So to all those struggling with infertility, I am truly sorry. No matter how long you have been struggling with it, it’s still an extremely hard thing to go thru. For those parents that don’t appreciate your kids, give them to me, I will take them and love them and appreciate them. But if you want to step up, then step up, love those babies and know that you are the reason they are here to begin with. It isn’t their fault that they are in this world so if you want to punish somebody, punish yourself. I know that if I ever get the option of being a mother, I will make so many mistakes. I sometimes think that God thinks I would be a horrible mother and that’s why He hasn’t give us a child. Other times, I think that God is just preparing us to be better parents. We are getting a lot of practice with watching everybody else and their parenting techniques and building our own “what to do and what not to do list.” I have a lot of learning to do yet. I have a lot of growing to do as a person and as a Christian. Although I wouldn’t take back the time of trying to get pregnant, it is a blessing that we didn’t get pregnant when we first started. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Thanks for reading, I hope it can help somebody in some way. God Bless! 

Black Friday

Today is the BLACK FRIDAY day….this is the one day a year that my sister and I spend from the wee hours of the morning until the early afternoon together. It’s always a fun time. We both act silly and say stupid stuff(I may the only one that does this ?!?) and try to embarrass each other. And you can’t forget the fact that we are shopping. Today was no exception to the fun times. The only thing that would have made it better was if I had gotten more sleep and my body didn’t ache. Either way, we had a BALL! I wish I had of taken a self portrait of us to post on here, but I didn’t think about it.

This year was also slightly different because Wal-Mart started their Black Friday deals at 10pm. I have never been a Wal-Mart Black Friday shopper because I have heard the horror stories. This year, Jeremy’s sister needed some help because she had to work, so we set out to try it….I am very tempted to say NEVER AGAIN, but there may come a day when I do actually do it all over again. We did score several awesome deals that I am very proud of. It was a madhouse though. Thankfully, we had some pretty great friends that made it more fun!

I am currently sitting on the couch with what feels like sand in my eyes and my legs are doing some serious aching, but I am pretty proud of my loot and more importantly, I am grateful for the time I spent with my wonderful sister Vickie.