It's MY blog

I realize the title of this blog sounds very selfish, but I have a reason for it. Today didn't start off as the greatest of days and my night last night wasn't most wonderful. Usually those are the times when I want to blog the most. I use to write in a journal religiously and it was a huge comfort and it provided the most comfort when things weren't going great. I had just told Jeremy last night that there were several people on Facebook recently that only post negative things and I was thinking that it makes me feel depressed. Not everybody wants to read/listen to a "Debbie Downer." But today as I was contemplating a blog, I was already beating myself up for it because it was too "Debbie Downerish." And then I realized that it's MY blog. I am not forcing anybody to read it. Although I do put it out for the public to read. Just like all those Facebook people-it's THEIR Facebook. They have a right to put whatever they want(just wished some would abstain from posting profanity of any kind). Nobody is perfect. I repeat, NOBODY is perfect. I am sure not perfect. Ask Jeremy or my boss or my friends. I make mistakes way more than I would like to admit and way more than I want to. But what most people don't realize is that I beat myself up for these mistakes. Jeremy is probably the only one(other than God) that knows how much I beat myself up for the smallest things. And people regret their mistakes but I dwell on mine. I am like a pig that wallows in the mire. I wallow in my mistakes and what other people think of me. And I don't exaggerate this at all. Jeremy just told me last night that I have to stop worrying so much. I am seriously doomed for a heart attack or nervous breakdown because I am a natural worry wart about EVERYTHING! I waste a lot of time worrying, I know this. As much as Jeremy wants me to stop worrying, I want to even more. I live with myself everyday and sometimes having my brain is no fun. I get tired of worrying about what everybody thinks of me and if I smiled big enough or what if they think I don't like them or what if they think....on and on and on it goes. I can't please everybody and until I can fully understand that, I will probably be a worrier. But one thing I am going to try and not worry about is what I post in my blogs. Again, I will not always please everybody, but this is my blog and I am going to not focus on everybody else. Maybe, somewhere a long the way, what I write will help somebody. Just like with my Infertility blog. I offended somebody and it was in no way, shape or form meant to offend anyone. It's just something that I deal with and maybe somebody going thru the same struggles will read my blog and it will help them. I do always hope that I don't offend anybody because that is the kind of person I am. But I am going to try not to hold back as much as I usually do. I have tons of things to be thankful for everyday of my life and so does everybody else. You can always find something to be thankful for. I do firmly believe that sometimes the struggles we have emotionally aren't things that we can help. I think they are genetically engineered in us. I was adopted, but my birth mother passed away in July. I realized afterwards(because of some info that I obtained) that she apparently struggled with some of the things that I struggled with. I did not have a relationship with her. I had met her a few times and we lived in the same town but she did not raise me. But I do have her genes and I think there were probably some similiarties in how we handled things. I may not ever know, but it is interesting to think about. So don't beat yourself up. Again, we aren't perfect and we don't always have good days. Just try to find something in every day to be thankful for. God Bless