Before Becoming a Mommy

For most who know me or have read the story on here. For as long as I could remember, I have wanted to be a mommy. As a child, baby dolls were my FAVORITE toys. But they had to look real. I didn't want those imposters that just looked like toy dolls. 

It took Jeremy and I a long time before my dream was fulfilled. It was his dream too but most boys don't dream of becoming daddy's when they are running around making obscene noises and pointing their pistols(fingers) at birds, squirrels and whatever else is within their shooting range. 

J is almost 15 months old. I have heard little comments about "just say your child is one" or x amount of months before they turn one. The fact of the matter is, there are lots of changes that take place between 12 and 24 months and for memory sake, those months matter in between 1 and 2. Now I am sure there are a lot that takes place between 2 years and 3 years but nonetheless, I shall call her "almost 15 months." Now that I have gone all around the mulberry bush, my point is that I haven't really been a mom that long so I am not seasoned compared to others. I have, however, learned a lot in this short time. All of my close friends, have been having babies a long time before now. So I was "that" friend that didn't have children and didn't really understand. Although, I feel like(HOPE) that I wasn't that one who gave the "look" to my friend mom's. You know that look...the one that is given for several different reasons..."I am trying to have a conversation with you but you keep looking at your child." Yep, looking to make sure that said child isn't climbing tables, stairs, etc or making sure they haven't run into oncoming traffic, or making sure that they aren't dipping their tiny fingers in the toilets because who doesn't love water of ANY kind and the list could go on. Or the "you need to get a better handle on that kid" look. Okay, so here I am fessing up. I have given that "look" MANY times. Probably to friends but definitely when out in public. Tisk tisk on me for passing judgement. Or the "look" for "why do you not have it all together?" 

Seriously. 

I feel certain that many of my friends have went home to their husbands, just like I do now, and say, "oh, I can't wait...they are in for it. They don't have a clue." Truth be told,  I DID NOT have a clue. You hear all of the warnings about newborns and not getting enough sleep and them wanting to eat all of the time and constantly changing diapers. Newborns are a piece of cake. Okay, well not all newborns because I have heard horror stories. My newborn was a piece of cake. She was literally the easiest baby, she was calm, ate every 4 hours so we were usually only up a max of 2 times/night and then at 2 months old, she started sleeping through the night. She rarely fussed unless she was hungry. Somewhere close to the age of one, the tables turned. Hello toddlerhood. I LOVE every day I get to spend with her, because she is a blessing that we waited SO long for. For a long time, I didn't want to say anything about the rough times because someone MIGHT mistake that for me not being thankful. Pssshhhh. You can't find a more thankful mommy, okay there are others out there. But there are some trying days. Add being a preacher's family into that and being a people-pleasing mom that constantly worries if someone is judging her because she can't keep her child in control during services or wal-mart or a restaurant or anywhere in public. I really can't control what people think because they will think(ahem, ASSUME) what they want. So, I would probably go back to myself and warn me that I need to just hush. HA!!! My point is, you can say all you want to about raising children but until you are doing it, you just don't know. I see a total meltdown in a store now and I wonder, "are they hungry, did they miss nap time, did they run out of milk, is their diaper dirty, did they get up too early?" There are so many reasons for meltdowns and I am learning more reasons everyday. Today, for instance, J had a cup of milk but she saw me breaking down another cup to wash and had a meltdown because I wouldn't let her have a dirty cup. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Their little brains are working overtime to understand all these changes and growth that are taking place in their body. We are here to help comfort them and set the guidelines for them on things that aren't okay or things that are okay. I am still learning that lesson. I think we expect our children to know things before we even take the chance to teach them. Parenthood is truly challenging but so very rewarding. 

For every trying moment, there are about a billion moments of pure joy and happiness. Watching your child grow and learn all the time is the most amazing thing in this world. God's design for people is beautiful and perfect. 

I am thankful to be J's mommy. She is so funny and never ceases to make me laugh or sometimes shake my head at her. I love her more and more everyday. Love grows.

Upon Life's Billows

I miss blogging and every time I mention it, my sweet husband tells me that he wishes I would do it again. As an introvert/recluse, I find it comforting to write about things. I have a few select individuals that I will actually talk to but the older I get, the more reclusive I become. Writing helps with this. I am not a grammar guru-I say this because there are those little minions out there that claim to be grammar natzi's and I want to establish it up front that I know I am not grammatically correct. So make fun all you want. :) I have changed the name of my blog to Upon Life's Billows. This church hymn means a great deal to me just by a certain line, but then when I looked the lyrics up, I was amazed at how the whole song just seems to fit my life. I am adding these lyrics at the bottom.

This song for real makes me cry. It's a great reminder that I should be so thankful for all of God's blessings. But I am just going to throw it out there. There are MANY days that it's hard to see all the good. I have a kind husband and the most perfect daughter that definitely helps me to see the good in every day and to count my blessings but many other life events make it hard. So this song is a good reminder and one that I need to sing to myself everyday. I hope it helps someone that may be struggling as well.

1	When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
	Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your blessings, see what God hath done; Count your blessings, name them one by one,     And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
2	Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, And you will be singing as the days go by.
3	When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold. Count your many blessings, money cannot buy Your reward in heaven, nor your Lord on high.
4	So amid the conflict, whether great or small, Do not be discouraged, God is over all; Count your many blessings, angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.