Before Becoming a Mommy

For most who know me or have read the story on here. For as long as I could remember, I have wanted to be a mommy. As a child, baby dolls were my FAVORITE toys. But they had to look real. I didn't want those imposters that just looked like toy dolls. 

It took Jeremy and I a long time before my dream was fulfilled. It was his dream too but most boys don't dream of becoming daddy's when they are running around making obscene noises and pointing their pistols(fingers) at birds, squirrels and whatever else is within their shooting range. 

J is almost 15 months old. I have heard little comments about "just say your child is one" or x amount of months before they turn one. The fact of the matter is, there are lots of changes that take place between 12 and 24 months and for memory sake, those months matter in between 1 and 2. Now I am sure there are a lot that takes place between 2 years and 3 years but nonetheless, I shall call her "almost 15 months." Now that I have gone all around the mulberry bush, my point is that I haven't really been a mom that long so I am not seasoned compared to others. I have, however, learned a lot in this short time. All of my close friends, have been having babies a long time before now. So I was "that" friend that didn't have children and didn't really understand. Although, I feel like(HOPE) that I wasn't that one who gave the "look" to my friend mom's. You know that look...the one that is given for several different reasons..."I am trying to have a conversation with you but you keep looking at your child." Yep, looking to make sure that said child isn't climbing tables, stairs, etc or making sure they haven't run into oncoming traffic, or making sure that they aren't dipping their tiny fingers in the toilets because who doesn't love water of ANY kind and the list could go on. Or the "you need to get a better handle on that kid" look. Okay, so here I am fessing up. I have given that "look" MANY times. Probably to friends but definitely when out in public. Tisk tisk on me for passing judgement. Or the "look" for "why do you not have it all together?" 

Seriously. 

I feel certain that many of my friends have went home to their husbands, just like I do now, and say, "oh, I can't wait...they are in for it. They don't have a clue." Truth be told,  I DID NOT have a clue. You hear all of the warnings about newborns and not getting enough sleep and them wanting to eat all of the time and constantly changing diapers. Newborns are a piece of cake. Okay, well not all newborns because I have heard horror stories. My newborn was a piece of cake. She was literally the easiest baby, she was calm, ate every 4 hours so we were usually only up a max of 2 times/night and then at 2 months old, she started sleeping through the night. She rarely fussed unless she was hungry. Somewhere close to the age of one, the tables turned. Hello toddlerhood. I LOVE every day I get to spend with her, because she is a blessing that we waited SO long for. For a long time, I didn't want to say anything about the rough times because someone MIGHT mistake that for me not being thankful. Pssshhhh. You can't find a more thankful mommy, okay there are others out there. But there are some trying days. Add being a preacher's family into that and being a people-pleasing mom that constantly worries if someone is judging her because she can't keep her child in control during services or wal-mart or a restaurant or anywhere in public. I really can't control what people think because they will think(ahem, ASSUME) what they want. So, I would probably go back to myself and warn me that I need to just hush. HA!!! My point is, you can say all you want to about raising children but until you are doing it, you just don't know. I see a total meltdown in a store now and I wonder, "are they hungry, did they miss nap time, did they run out of milk, is their diaper dirty, did they get up too early?" There are so many reasons for meltdowns and I am learning more reasons everyday. Today, for instance, J had a cup of milk but she saw me breaking down another cup to wash and had a meltdown because I wouldn't let her have a dirty cup. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Their little brains are working overtime to understand all these changes and growth that are taking place in their body. We are here to help comfort them and set the guidelines for them on things that aren't okay or things that are okay. I am still learning that lesson. I think we expect our children to know things before we even take the chance to teach them. Parenthood is truly challenging but so very rewarding. 

For every trying moment, there are about a billion moments of pure joy and happiness. Watching your child grow and learn all the time is the most amazing thing in this world. God's design for people is beautiful and perfect. 

I am thankful to be J's mommy. She is so funny and never ceases to make me laugh or sometimes shake my head at her. I love her more and more everyday. Love grows.

Upon Life's Billows

I miss blogging and every time I mention it, my sweet husband tells me that he wishes I would do it again. As an introvert/recluse, I find it comforting to write about things. I have a few select individuals that I will actually talk to but the older I get, the more reclusive I become. Writing helps with this. I am not a grammar guru-I say this because there are those little minions out there that claim to be grammar natzi's and I want to establish it up front that I know I am not grammatically correct. So make fun all you want. :) I have changed the name of my blog to Upon Life's Billows. This church hymn means a great deal to me just by a certain line, but then when I looked the lyrics up, I was amazed at how the whole song just seems to fit my life. I am adding these lyrics at the bottom.

This song for real makes me cry. It's a great reminder that I should be so thankful for all of God's blessings. But I am just going to throw it out there. There are MANY days that it's hard to see all the good. I have a kind husband and the most perfect daughter that definitely helps me to see the good in every day and to count my blessings but many other life events make it hard. So this song is a good reminder and one that I need to sing to myself everyday. I hope it helps someone that may be struggling as well.

1	When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed, When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
	Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your blessings, see what God hath done; Count your blessings, name them one by one,     And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
2	Are you ever burdened with a load of care? Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear? Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly, And you will be singing as the days go by.
3	When you look at others with their lands and gold, Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold. Count your many blessings, money cannot buy Your reward in heaven, nor your Lord on high.
4	So amid the conflict, whether great or small, Do not be discouraged, God is over all; Count your many blessings, angels will attend, Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

First of Many Tiny T Posts

I cannot tell you how many times a day I visualize our sweet baby.  We have no idea if Tiny T will be a boy or a girl or if he/she will have dark or light hair and truthfully, it doesn't matter.  We are so excited that we can hardly stand it.  We have waited so long for the opportunity to be parents and that sweet baby has no idea how much they are loved already even if they are only in our hearts.  I am going to try harder to keep everyone updated as we continue with the process.  We have chosen an agency that we want to use.  With that being said, I guess things can always change, but as of right now, we will be heading to Abilene, TX in February to attend an orientation with the agency.  We are so excited because that will be one of the beginning steps before we are eligible to be matched.  We ask for your prayers as this all begins and that everything will go smoothly and then we will be approved.  And please pray for the birth mother.  I have thought a lot about who she is and I have prayed for her.  No one should ever be angry at a birth mother who chooses to give her child a better life than what she feels she can give.  There is a difference between walking away from that child and putting that child in the best care possible.  I am always grateful for my adoption, but as we begin the process, it puts things in so much more perspective.  We are sending in our pre-application tomorrow and we are like little children with the excitement of Christmas on their face.  This will be one of the best gifts that we have ever received.  

Jade Britton has done an amazing job with Adoption Tiny T.  She has put together an entire online auction that just blows me away.  She is has a heart of gold and we will be forever grateful! If you are online, check out the Facebook Auction- Adoption Tiny T.  It will begin this Friday night, December 12th at 6:00 PM Central Time.  They are awesome items that would be great for Christmas gifts or any gift or if you just want something for yourself. :)

Love to you all,

Jinnie

Is This For Real???

So it's really been a long time since I have blogged.  I have thought about it multiple times and almost felt silly doing it, but I have a whole new reason for blogging today.  Here is my disclaimer for you English people...I am terrible at grammar and I'm okay with it so please don't judge me.

So it's in the wee hours of the morning the day after Thanksgiving 2014 and on Thanksgiving morning, we woke up in our little apartment knowing that we weren't going to be spending Thanksgiving with our family.  First time in 34 years for Jeremy and 31 for me.  It was strange, BUT we woke up to a message from a friend that said, "read my post. Love you." So I checked Facebook and was shocked at what I saw and even more shocked to see what the rest of the day had in store for us....
You see, Jeremy and I have been married for 8.5 years and together for 10.  We met at my job when he came in to pay his insurance(I love our story) and even though it was quite some time before the love connection was made, with the help of others, we found each other and hit it off and it was amazing.  We became best friends and have been ever since.  We decided when we got married that we would wait 5 years before we started a family, we wanted time to learn how to be married before children came along.  Well that didn't exactly go as planned and actually none of it did.  A little over a year after we were married, we decided it was time to start trying for Baby Thornton.  Fast forward 7 years later and there is still no Baby Thornton.  I cannot explain the heartache that comes with infertility when you have waited your whole life to get married and have babies and when you know that you can't give a child to someone who would make the best daddy in the world.  There were a lot of tears shed, a lot of doctor visits and medicines and that was with my regular OB/GYN.  Finally, in 2010 at the insistence of my mother, we found a fertility specialist and started going to him.  He was great, but after the testing, he sat down with us and gave us the news that completely broke our hearts.  He said it was possible for us but it would require at least an $8,000 procedure and there were no guarantees.  Well we were not wealthy by any means and $8,000 is a lot of money and still not knowing for sure the procedure would work so we left in tears that day with a decision to make.  We opted to try the procedure and were going to save for it.  Well, several things happened over the course of the following months after that doctor visit.  We had been unfaithful in our spiritual life and through the help of some great friends found our way back into church and started attending faithfully and soon after made the decision for Jeremy to attend preaching school in Memphis.  Preaching school was a stress and blessing like no other and so again we put off having children.  Jeremy graduated in June from preaching school(SOO proud of him) and we started our first work in Marion, AR.  We have talked a lot about adoption and even spoke to an adoption agency at the end of last year.  Adoption holds a very special place in my heart because I am adopted. I was adopted when I was almost 2.  My story is different than most because I was not in an adoption agency and I actually knew who my birth parents were and still get to see and talk to my birth siblings.  So Jeremy and I have talked a lot recently about adoption, we have bought books to read, I have read things on the internet and even started an Adoption board on Pinterest. Several people know that this is something we wanted to do, but didn't have anything set in stone.  It's expensive to adopt and we weren't sure how we were going to do it and for those who don't know, I am a VERY prideful person. I hate asking for help.  This is where God's providence comes in, we woke up this morning to that text and read Facebook and a dear friend(Jade Britton) had posted about trying to help a couple raise money for adoption.  Keep in mind, I had not talked to her about this recently and aside from a Facebook post about National Adoption Day or my Pinterest board, I know she didn't know that Jeremy and I had been seriously discussing it.  God's providence.  She has taken it upon herself to help provide us with the greatest gift(aside from salvation) that we could ever have.  She has asked businesses to donate items for an auction, she has pleaded with the Facebook world to donate money to a Paypal account that we set up after talking with her and much to our complete shock, people are donating.  I cannot begin to tell you how this makes us feel and to be quite honest, we went thru the whole day yesterday saying to each other that we didn't know how to feel or is this really real? Yes, it is real and we didn't ask her to do this but her through God has decided to help us and we are humbled.  We have wanted this for so long and the thought of it actually happening is so surreal that I can't even explain it, but I sit here with tears in my eyes thinking about all the wonderful people that have given to help us and how amazing God is for all the blessings that He continues to give even though we are undeserving.  So thank you all for the help and my biggest request is that you please pray.  We understand that becoming parents isn't something to be taken lightly and we will need all the prayers we can get.  We want to provide a child a home, but not just any home, a Christian home, a loving home, home where they feel safe and secure.  We want to raise a child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Tonight as we ate dinner, we discussed baby names.  I can't tell you how many times through the years, we have done this, but this time seemed different.  Love to you all and thank you is not near enough to express our gratitude.

For those who don't know us very well,
Jeremy is a minister for the Hwy 77 church of Christ in Marion, AR.
I work as a secretary for the Memphis School of Preaching and I am an independent consultant for Tupperware.
We have been married for 8.5 years and it's been a fun time.  We are each other's best friends and keep each other on track.  He is a wonderful godly husband who has the most amazing patience ever. I am thankful to be by his side.  We love to laugh and our marriage has had lots of laughs and lots of love and I would be lying to say that we haven't had our downs too, but that's life and and marriage and that's how it goes, but we have put God first in our life which has made the biggest difference ever and we will always have Him there and know that we will never give up on each other.  That's just a small part of us, if you would like to know more, please ask.

And now the reset of the story (I always loved Paul Harvey)…
   Now that Jin has been able to tell her take on things let me give you mine. To try to explain everything about us in a brief blog would be impossible, so lets keep it simple. I am married to my absolute best friend. I fell in love with my wife the first time I laid my eyes upon her (this is a true statement). I told my dad I would marry her just moments after meeting her for the first time. I have enjoyed every minute of our marriage. My wife is my rock. She has helped me to become a Christian and pushed me to stay a Christian. Our life is filled with happy times together, and with my other best friend Mr. T (our 8 year old Yorkie) I never thought I would be head over heels about a dog, nor allow one to be in the house, but I love my dog as if he were my human child (prior to him I could not stomach people like this). Jinnie and I have a great life together but there is one thing that is painful for us from time to time. Both of us have always wanted children, Jinnie has dreamed about this from her childhood and the fact that my mother owns a daycare and my always being around children I too want as many as we possibly could have. But unfortunately Jin and I were told that we are unable to have children without really expensive drugs and procedures and the success rate would not be 100%. Over the past few years we have grown accustom to knowing this dream would only be a dream for us. We have looked into adoption but this was very expensive also. At some point we just chalked up parenthood to being one of those things we would only dream about, well until this morning. To receive a text from someone and Facebook activity that we have received today is mind blowing at the least. If you are reading this and want to help we want to express our heart felt thanks for your generosity. If you cannot give or do not want to thank you for taking time out of your day to read our ramblings, but if you are unable to give finical support we would ask that you please pray for us. We have prayed fervently to become parents. Sometimes we thought God was not listening and other times it was all that we could do, but we still believe in the power of prayer. Thank you all so much. May God bless you all in everything you do.

Jade and her son came up with the name Adoption Tiny T.  You can join the group on Facebook and we will do our best to keep you all updated through it all.

30 Things in 30 Years

It is weird to be posting for the first time in a long time. Time does not permit posting as often as I would like. I have thought about this one in particular for the last several months as my 30th birthday loomed ahead of me. And now it has zipped on past and moving on to the next one.  I love birthdays, I always have. I guess the reason is pretty selfish and I am sad to admit that. But I don't like just my birthday. I want birthdays to be special. I have always TRIED to make them special for Jeremy. And it's just fun-the celebrating, getting to pick your favorite place to eat, doing your favorite thing for the day. There is just something special about that day. This birthday just happens to be an epic one in my mind. Come on, it's the 30th birthday. I am no longer in my youthful 20s. And because I was sad about it, doesn't mean I am not thankful to our God in heaven for allowing me to see another birthday. Just some things are more emotional to deal with than others. I don't how many people told me I should just be thankful. I hope God knew how thankful I was/am. So my blog is:

30 THINGS IN 30 YEARS-While it may be something I have learned, things that happened, etc. It's my blog and my brain works at random things. I may go into detail and then I may make it short and sweet. So here goes...

1.) I have not always been a faithful follower of our God Almighty. And after spending 1.5 years at the Memphis School of Preaching, I realized that my "faithful Christian" life left a lot to be desired. I never realized I was lacking so much. I still find it hard to say that I am living faithfully now because I feel like God deserves so much more than I am giving. But I will keep striving and Heaven will surely be worth it all.
2.) Being a Christian is only as hard as you make it. There are many different viewpoints in this world of what Christianity should be defined as. Which is so sad because according to the Sciptures(please read)...
"There is one body, and one Spirit, even as ye are called in one hope of your calling; One Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all." (Ephesians 4:4-6 KJV)
We should ALL be in unity of God's Word. I gave up a worldly life to pursue a life being a follower of God. Only within the last year or so, have I learned to be a servant. There are so many things of this world that we can particpate in that was not created by God. Drugs, alcohol, immorality...Man created these things because it's what makes man feel good. It's because, we as people, are selfish and we want what makes us happy and we forget that while we are trying to please ourselves, we are not pleasing God. One of my favorite Bible passages reads,
"I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." (Romans 12:1, 2 KJV)
Jesus was Holy, Pure, Without Blemish...He never did any wrong. We are suppose to follow His example according to the following "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. "(Philippians 2:5-8 KJV) No, we aren't going to be perfect and we will still stumble in the light but we must push forward and keep striving for a home in Heaven. Don't conform yourself to wordly lusts, conform yourselves to the will of God. It will be worth it!
3.) Getting down on your knees to pray will humble you and change your life. It did mine. I say this even though I have only done it once, for sure, and I think twice. That first time reigns in my mind. Grab a box of tissues and get down there!
4.) I have one very amazing husband who decided two years ago to devote himself to God and teaching his Word and he gets excited about it. He is my spiritual leader and I am so thankful for that because I need it. He is humble. He is funny. He makes me smile. He is smart. He has a good memory. He has a wealth of random information that sometimes I wonder where it came from. He never gives himself enough credit for the good in him. He loves me for me when I am crazy silly, when I am emotional and when I am mean. He loves me. All of me. And I love all of him. He is my best friend.
5.) As much as Jeremy loves me and I love him, God loves us more!
6.) Life never really goes as planned. "Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape." (NOT FROM THE BIBLE)
7.) You don't have to live in the same town as your best friends to still be best friends. One of my very best friends now lives in Africa and I still talk to her everyday.
8.) You don't have talk to your best friend everyday to still be best friends. Life gets in the way and we get busy but the times we do get to talk our wonderful and very appreciated and needed far more than either one of us know.
9.) Friends are wonderful whether they be best friends, close friends or friends. They make your world a happier place.
10.) I just learned today that judgment is not spelled judgement and I considered myself a decent speller. That rocked my world and made it more difficult to type that word after that.
11.) Jeremy and I use to think we were busy before we moved to Memphis and he began his studies at MSOP. That word has been completely redefined to us.
12.) I can function on less sleep than I ever knew was possible. I also know that it is not a good thing and can cause some health problems.
13.) I am awkward. When I am uncomfortable or talking with some that I am not use to being around or do feel comfortable with, I will mess up my words. Any intelligence, that thought I MIGHT have, is gone and I sound like a blubbering idiot. Yes, I said blubbering.
14.) I talk funny(well it is for some). I didn't realize how country I was until we moved to Memphis and I was around people who spoke correctly and some northerners. I like my country talk even if I am not your typical country girl who hunts, fishes and goes muddin'.
15.) I have a hard time hiding my feelings.
16.) On my birthday, since I have been older, I have wondered what my birth mother was thinking that day or if she reflected on that year and how many years it had been since she had given birth to me. That is what she did she gave birth to me and to be quite honest, that's all she did. She passed away two years ago and although I had been given the opportunity to meet with her and ask her questions, I was so nervous that day that I don't remember many of those answers and wished so badly that I had written them down. And this year, I couldn't help but think how she would have felt knowing she gave birth to a baby girl 30 years ago and how that made her feel. But on the flip side of that, she and my birth father gave me the biggest gift even if the gift wasn't well intended by one or both of them(I will never know for sure). They gave me a new home, a new life and new parents. Parents that through the toughest times both financially and health wise cared for me and loved me. They have always believed in me and have always pushed me to do the things that I didn't have the confidence to do. They supported me at every ballgame, through every report card and every graduation with hugs and I love you's. So on my 30th, I thought about them. I have no idea what it was like for my birth parents to turn their parental rights over and I have no idea what it was like for my parents, after raising children already, to take on a toddler full time. Either way, I am grateful for them all and grateful to God for placing them in my life and the way it all turned out. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for that.
17.) Learn to love yourself. And I don't mean in that cocky, arrogant, I am the greatest there is way. I mean learn that you have self worth. YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING!!! Even if you feel like you have no one, you always have God and God loves you. He may not always approve of the things that we do or the lifestyle that we live but He does love you, so love yourself. Know that you have worth and appreciate what you have been given.
18.) "If we don't stand for something, we will fall for anything." If we don't ground ourselves in the Word of God and use that as our guiding light in life, we will fall. Flat on our faces. I know not everyone in this world agrees with that, but I believe that wholeheartedly. Stand for God. Don't back down. Don't be ashamed.
19.) You really do start like more types of food as you get older. Several months ago, I tried chicken pot pie. That was pretty big deal for me, but it was yummy. I still can't eat seafood. I have tried to like shrimp and it ain't happening. Jeremy keeps pushing me to eat chicken livers and gizzards-no, thank you. But other than a few odd things, I am growing to like more veggies. My veggies use to be potatoes and mac and cheese.
20.) Marriage isn't always easy. And for those who want to run and talk about that...feel free. I am being truthful. I don't know if any married couple has ever went thru their marriage without one single fight no matter how big or small. Just because I say that, it doesn't mean that we have a terrible marriage so please read that again if you need to. I think we have a good marriage and I think Jeremy would agree with that. That doesn't mean we have not had our ups and down and sideways and all overs but we love each other and made a commitment to stay put and work it out. On our wedding day, we promised God that we would. Now, I don't remember much of that, but I do know we said it. It's a slow learning process to pick my battles. I can be difficult at times. And I have the most patient husband. He is way more than I deserve. It's amazing the changes that take place thru the years, the things that use to bother me no longer bother me, things that didn't bother me now do. It's just funny. But marriage is awesome and fun. Jeremy makes me laugh every single day. Always put God first in your life in general and in your married life. It changes you. You desire to try harder in every way if you are putting God first like you are commanded and not how you think you should.
21.) A little bit of kindness goes a long way. It certainly never hurts to smile at every one you meet, nod your head or say how are you? And don't always assume someone is lazy and hates their job when they are the nicest to you. They could have had the worst week ever. We don't know other people's trials.
22.) Your family will always be your family no matter how far away you are or how much you have changed. You may not always see eye to eye but you do always love each other.
23.) We really can live without TV. One of my very best friends hasn't had cable/satellite-don't hold me to this-but I don't think since they were married....9 years ago. I thought that was the craziest thing in the world and how could I ever possibly live without it. Then they came out with DVR and that made my world an even better place. If two of my favorite shows were on at the same time, no problem, just record one. THEN, we moved to Memphis and I didn't work for several months and I still would watch TV some. I would iron or fold clothes and watch it while I did that or in the mornings. Jeremy rarely watched it from the beginning. Then I started working and full time MSOP life hit and you realize that there is hardly any time for it. Once you get use to not having it, you realize you can live without it. That is not to say that we don't ever watch it because it doesoccasionally get watched. Hulu or Netflix is what we usually use though and of course Redbox if we have free time to watch a movie. They are usually reserved for weekend treats for date nights at home.
24.) I miss home a lot more than I thought I would. I was so sad leaving it. Leaving a job I loved with people I loved working with, leaving my family and just everyday simple things. We both transitioned really well and love living here, but we love when we get to go home and visit. I have no idea where we will end up after school but maybe it won't be too far away.
25.) I am complicated. I am a thinker and it gets me trouble. I have a crazy imagination even at 30. I am a worrier. I have gray hair and I know it's from over-stressing and worrying.
26.) I have learned that things don't always go as planned. I was going to be married at 20, first child at 22....I was married at 22 and 7+ years later....still no children. Definitely not what we planned. But it is what it is. The longer time has gone by, the easier it has been to deal with it(for me). There is still those days that everybody has announced their pregnancy on facebook or they just found out what they were having or they just delivered and those are the days that I want to sit with a big tub of ice cream and a box of Kleenex. But the majority of the time, we survive and hope that one day we can adopt.
27.) A dishwasher really is a wife's best friend.
28.) Have you ever said these words..."I just LOVE that author." Have you ever wondered why you don't study your bible on a regular basis and take to heart what is in it? You don't love the author. I didn't realize that I didn't love the author until Brother Keith Mosher gave us a wonderful illustration about reading the letters his wife sent him while he was in the military. He said he read them all the time because he loved the author. How much do you love God? How much do you study your Bible?
I am working on being better about that.
29.) Never ever ever take your preacher, parents, friends, insert anyone else's words about the Bible as truth. NEVER!!! STUDY YOUR BIBLE AND FIND OUT FOR YOURSELVES. God gave us the Scriptures for us to live our lives by. Study them. Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15 KJV)
30.) 30 really hasn't been as bad as I thought it would. Hopefully my next 30 years will be just as good!

And as a side note...my grammar and punctuation is terrible. English was never my best subject. So don't judge me. :)

Respect

According to Webster's Dictionary, RESPECT is defined as "to consider worthy of high regard." But RESPECT has so much more built into the meaning of it. Although, some may disagree, I think the meaning stems from the beginning of time and with Biblical standards. We are suppose to be taught early in childhood on how to respect. You are to respect things and most importantly people. You don't break things- "you break it, you buy." You don't steal-"you can go to jail." You say "yes m'am" and "no m'am" when someone asks you something or tells you something to do. You refer to people as Mr. & Mrs. if need be. Or even for us at school, we refer to people as Brother or Sister(insert name here.) Who cares if you want to do it or not, it's respectful. It's a teaching tool that SHOULD begin at a very early age. But even if you are never taught this, it doesn't take much effort to look around and see what other people do. I see people who are disrecptful to other people or things and think to myself that is the opposite of what I want to be or what I want to do. I see people post their rants on Facebook all the time. I try very hard not to do that. That doesn't mean I don't rant. My husband and my closest friends know my rants. But I TRY(keyword here) to stay positive and upbeat. But most importantly I try to respect people. There are so many things that you can do to respect people other than saying "yes m'am" or "no m'am" or "yes sir" or "no sir." It's about being kind. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I would LOVE nothing more than to tell somebody off. But what good does that do anybody? Philippians 2:14-15 says, "Do all things without murmurings and disputings: That ye may be blamemless and harmless, the sons of God, without rebuke, in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world." Which leads into Matthew 5:16, "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good words and glorify your Father which is in Heaven." Is our light glowing bright and beautiful or is it dark and dim? As Christians, we are suppose to have an effect on those around us but if our light isn't what it is suppose to be, how can we expect to share God's word to others. If you have a negative and ugly attitude, what are you teaching others? Why would we want to teach others to have that type of attitude and how can we expect others to even want to be around us? Ephesians 4:29, "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." We all come from different backgrounds and as you get older and you starting growing into yourself, we have tendencies that stem from what we grew up with. Everything you do is a learned behavior. Whether you learned it from you parents, teachers, preachers, friends or family. Or whether you learn it on your own by reading the scriptures. We are the ONLY ones that have the power to change ourselves because we control our willpower. And we can learn to RESPECT those around us and respect ourselves. So if you have learned nothing else from this, then learn this, Romans 12:21, "Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." Evil isn't necessarily a "bad" person that kills or steals. Evil can come from ourselves with our words and our actions. Let your light shine. Live your life to glorify God. Do your words and actions glorify God? And as I sit here and type that, I ask myself that same question.

He loves, he loves me...always

I don't brag on my husband near as often as I should and something that has been on my mind more lately is that I definitely don't brag on him as much as I use to. We are coming up on 7 years of marriage and it doesn't even seem possible. It almost makes me sad to think about where the time went, but the positive side is that we have a whole future to look forward to. I know, 7 years of marriage is not as much experience as some of you may have, but it is also more than others have. Either way, you learn more and more each passing day when you are married. And one day you wake up and there is this comfortableness that has set in. And I don't necessarily mean in a good way but it's not all bad either. You just don't "try" as hard as you use to and you take each other for granted more. This may or may not happen to everyone, I am telling this from our own personal experiences. I think part of the reason that we take each other for granted is that we don't reflect on the reasons we fell in love to begin with or what about the other person makes us happy. So I am devoting this blog to telling you about my awesome and amazing husband. 1.) He is my very best friend on this earth. There is absolutely no one else that could take on this roll like he does. 2.) He does not judge me. 3.) He gives the best advice and always knows just what to say. 4.) He is smart. I tell him this all the time and he shrugs me off, because, his whole life he has never considered himself to be smart. But he is far more than he or anyone else gives him credit for. 5.) He made a decision almost two years ago to serve God with everything he had. This entailed him deciding to go to preaching school to become a full time minister. He has met scrutiny along the way and those who don't agree with him or think he has changed for the "worse." But truly, he has changed for the better. He has become such an amazing man since he made the decision. He has grown in God's Word and he has grown as a Christian. I see it everyday and he makes me so proud to call him my husband. The life of a preacher's family is definitely not an easy one but I commend him for wanting to do it. 6.) I am not skinny and he loves me anyway. 7.) He endures my craziness. 8.) He is a little silly himself. 9.) He makes me laugh everyday and it always comes at the perfect time. 10.) He KNOWS me. And I don't mean he knows me because we have known each other for 8 years. It's scary how well he knows me and knows what I am going to say before I say it. Just ask Shannon-sometimes it is just plain creepy. But I love it. 11.) He sings good. 12.) He tells he loves me-ALOT! 13.) His taste in music and how much music means to him. Although, I am not as much of a music lover as he is, I admire his love for it and how different every song that he chooses is but how they are always great. 14.) I love the fact that after almost 7 years of marriage, when he is driving, he opens my door for me. And he doesn't like it when I open it myself. 15.) He gives the best hugs. 16.) He is patient on so many levels and not with just me. 17.) His love for souls. 18.) There have been tough times but he NEVER gives up. 19.) He is devoted- to God, to me, to school studies. It's 11:35 and he walked in the door about 10 minutes ago. He stayed here and did some work and then ate supper and then went to the library and did some more studying. 20.) He is a good role model. 21.) He treats other with kindness. 22.) His respect for his parents. That was something I was always amazed at, when others would talk down to their parents, he has always always respected his. And not just his parents but his grandparents too. 23.) I love his preaching. I think he does a great job at it and he really puts his heart and soul into it when he does it. 24.) For the fact that my silly little blogs make him so happy. When he found out I was blogging tonight(but didn't know it was about him), he got excited and said he loved it when I blogged. 25.) He is my biggest fan. 26.) I am his biggest fan. 27.) His love for our dog. There are few people who understand our love for our dog. We have, so far, not been able to have children and we may not ever be able to biologically, but we do have our "furbaby." And no matter how moody or grouchy that dog is, he is our baby. And he is a daddy's baby. If I think about it too much, it makes me cry(as I am now) for several reasons. One being, I think it is sweet how attached he is to our Bone Bone, but two because I would give so much to have his child. 28.) He has the most beautiful eyes. 29.) Because he wipes my tears away. 30.) And I am going to end here because he has school tomorrow and I have to work, but this is definitely not all the reasons. But I will say this-he loves me for me. Through moodiness, through my terrible cooking days, through infertility, through weight changes and hair changes, he still loves me unconditionally. God made him just for me and of that I am very much convinced and do not thank God enough for allowing our paths to cross. I hope this helps me and I hope it helps you. Maybe it will make you reflect on your marriage and the positive things. Everyone is going to have rough patches, it is part of it. You will be more thankful for the better days. Love to you all!!